Cinematic masterpiece #1: Videodrome, staring James Wood playing a human sized vagina used to store videotapes and small firearms and a script Samuell Beckett would throw away for being senseless.

Videodrome doesn’t deserve and stars at all.

Opus #2: Hard to Kill starring Steven Segal, Kelly LeBrock and a mystery that makes Blue’s Clues look like it was conceived from the mind of Dr. Moriarty. “I’ve tried analyzing the tapes for anything … common phrases … like the Senator’s ‘You can take that to the bank’ that he keeps repeating in his commercials and also clearly said in your secret tape.” Segal also makes martial arts look like the province of any overweight couch potato. Breaking arms, legs, fingers and necks takes about as much strength in his hands as snapping a twig.

Hard to Kill at least is somewhat enjoyable if you like this sort of thing.